I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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