Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
