Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
