Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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