It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
