I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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