Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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