I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
