sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
