giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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