Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
