even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
