I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
