as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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