I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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