2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
