Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize