she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
