Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
