I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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