as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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