I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
