so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
