Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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