I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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