Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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