i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
