im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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