She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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