I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
