K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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