Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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