Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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