We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
