My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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