Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
