I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
