I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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