It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I don't deserve a penis
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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