there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
