Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
