Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
