Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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