1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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