3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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