She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
