Tell her she can't have a vagina
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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