Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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