What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
