Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
