Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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