There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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