The panties match.
I'll be right there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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