Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
