i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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