I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
