Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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