I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
