paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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