I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
