You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
