life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
