Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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