I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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