Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
