just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this boner is exhausting
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
