My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
is it fun? or sober?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
