You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
