And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
