you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
