kristin has been a bad kristin
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
