Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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