Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
