my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
