and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
