So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
