before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
