Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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