I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
