that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize