A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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