we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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