Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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