im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
