Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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